so much to learn.

today i realized that i am a really prideful person, i am a conformist, and i have an identity problem. that is the gist of it. the longer version is something along the lines of this:

i think i know what is best. i want to always be right. i don't cling to God for my strength all of the time because i think i have it covered.
in the midst of watching people conforming to the calloused, hard-faced, self-idolization of this culture--i found myself conforming to very same thing. i forgot who i was. just like in james 1:22-25---the man who looks at himself in the mirror and then walks away and immediately forgets who he is; this is the epitome of the way i live so much of the time. I forget that my old self has been wiped away by the blood of Jesus and my new self has been resurrected with Him. I am no longer living for myself, but i am part of a Grand story; one with the Spirit as my guide..constantly teaching, convicting, changing, and transforming my heart and life. Jesus, please let me live this way; let me live as evidence that you are real and your beautiful love and the blood of Jesus has brought freedom and now, we are free indeed.

the streets of london are a dreary place, but today i found more hope. i was able to go to church today and worship the King with other believers; freedom in Jesus' name was rekindled in this heart and others'. and also, as i woke up today, my spirit was refreshed, my heart was open, and i found joy in being here. surprisingly, as beautiful as london is...it is also quite heavy, as i have mentioned in my previous post. Being so spiritually heavy....i find myself having a hard time finding joy. my faith is weak here and my heart fails quickly. The enemy is on the prowl, waiting like a lion to devour each of us. We must be on our guard and realize that we are in a spiritual war with the world every single minute of the day.

In 1 John 4 and James 4, it talks about friendship with the world [i.e. conforming to the world's standards]. This does not mean that we should neglect his people, but instead, it means that we must remain steadfast in our identity in Christ and remember that He has overcome the darkness already. Victory is here and has always been here; we are merely cultivating the land in order for people to receive His grace, put Hope in Jesus' blood, and to bring heaven to earth. This is what we cannot forget. In the midst of darkness, neglect, and fear, He is still here. And because we know of His Radiance and how His Light penetrates into this world, regardless of whether the world acknowledges it or not, we are under His Word and Authority. In James 4, it says that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. It also says that He opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. This is my desire: humility.

In order for this world to be a changed place where heaven meets with earth...we must know our identity and that it is not of this world and because of this...for us to submit to the authority of our God. By doing this, our hearts will be stirred to tell of His goodness and to bring Light to this brokenness.

Please pray over 1 John 4 and James 4 with me.
Let our love for this world be the evidence that Jesus lives. Let us die to our earthly passions and pursuits and be transformed by the love of Your Son, Jesus.

I confess that i am poor and needy without Jesus and I have so much to learn. I need my heart to be open and teachable, without pride or deceit.

I pray for a humble heart. I want to be Light to these people and I cannot do it without His strength. Also, I want to be Light to those we already know Jesus, but are weak and fading because of oppression from the enemy. I cannot even comprehend what it is like for Christians who live here. I pray for Hope to be restored in their hearts and for Awakening to spring forth in the hearts of those who are just tossing and turning, unstable and fickle in their ways. I pray that they will turn to Jesus.

Tomorrow is an early early day. We all will be waking up in about 3 hours to jump on the train to Paris. so, sleeping on the train? yessss.

Grace to you all.