a feminist movement: it feels this way.
when opinions are burdensome and lips do not cease movement.
silence is invasive, but seemingly necessary.
Understanding, rise.
Patience, rise.
Dependence on the Greater Spirit is required.
When to speak and when to listen is clouded.
Pain arises and cuts deeply as the women control;
it is an attempt to redefine roles that the Greater One has set.
As we learn our submission and honor to You, Lord,
we find ourselves joyfully accepting our roles within humanity.
Servanthood is necessary; it is required.
Let us submit to one another in love;
let us not control that which has not been given to us to control.
"Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble'. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he many exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking something to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith..."
[Peter]
Monday, December 1, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Hope again.
Strangely so, I return to write here again. My sad attempts at informing the public of my travels this summer have enticed me to return to this place. So here I am.
Forbearing darkness that invites itself in without my consent, I am indubitably, wholly desperate for a greater flame than this that resides inside. The trees wither when water is scarce and similarly, I too. Your voice whispers bigger things: those that are weak without the hope of your peace. Let us shout it with each move and word, let them hear.
....
And now, my thoughts drift towards that which I cannot understand. I toss and turn, with blindness and uncertainty. You truly have shown us what you require. And so, I come now, with absolute realization of my weariness. Truly, Lord, I do not understand. I believed a lie? Did I? Was it true?..Is is true? What shall I do? Shall I wait? What shall I wait for? Perhaps change is too slow for this weak heart of mind; perhaps patience is far from me. I only know this: that it is bitterly cold apart from you and I will walk with You again now. You will be my Hope again.
Forbearing darkness that invites itself in without my consent, I am indubitably, wholly desperate for a greater flame than this that resides inside. The trees wither when water is scarce and similarly, I too. Your voice whispers bigger things: those that are weak without the hope of your peace. Let us shout it with each move and word, let them hear.
....
And now, my thoughts drift towards that which I cannot understand. I toss and turn, with blindness and uncertainty. You truly have shown us what you require. And so, I come now, with absolute realization of my weariness. Truly, Lord, I do not understand. I believed a lie? Did I? Was it true?..Is is true? What shall I do? Shall I wait? What shall I wait for? Perhaps change is too slow for this weak heart of mind; perhaps patience is far from me. I only know this: that it is bitterly cold apart from you and I will walk with You again now. You will be my Hope again.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
the time has come.
well, the time has come around for my very last adventure. [and with much anticipation and joy]. my last stop is Bourg d'Oisans, France. I will be working at a camp that I worked at last summer called, Camp des Cimes. It is most definitely the most precious and meaningful camp I have ever served at and I cannot waiiiiit to return. The people, the relationships, and the Alps are calling my name, for sure.
I have been unable to write in the blog for a few weeks now, though I intended my updates to be quite frequent in the beginning. However, due to my lack of internet service [or the great expense that is cost], I was unable to get on the web. Bare with me...this will be a long post. I have a lot of ground to cover....but I don't want to leave you shortsighted or in the dark. I want each of you to know of God's faithfulness and His work that is stirring.
Wow. I am not sure where to start. [or where I left off last time, for that matter].
The Passion conferences in Paris and France were beautiful. The 1,500 that came to the conference in Paris were ready for this conference and ready for France to awaken to the hope of Jesus Christ. In fact, I spoke with some of the French while waiting in line for the conference and I was able to hear of what is really going on in the hearts and minds of the French believers. I spoke with a guy named Manny who told me how at every Christian event for the French, he sees all of the same people. He said that the population of believers in France is so small that he recognizes the same friends because they all gather together for every Christian conference. Pretty crazy. However, God most definitely did a work in my heart, as well as others. I couldn't believe that God had given me the unique opportunity to see the Jesus worshipers of France on all sides of me, raising their hands, believing in His Great Love, longing for their country to give up their lives. I have no words.
After France, we returned to London for the conference. It blew me away how different each conference was and the responses of the students. In London, it was so evident that they had been waiting for this event and thirsting for the hope of Jesus to be POURED out on their city. Immediately when the worship began, they were wholeheartedly in it, proclaiming His Love to the ends of the earth. Their voices were bold and shouting with joy and praise to the heavens. Something that blew me away was that at first, to be honest, I was skeptical of the worship, only because I did not want this to just be a "feel-good", emotional experience that would merely fade back into the night and hardly scratch the surfaces of the students' hearts. It amazed me that Louie Giglio [the conference speaker and founder] spoke about this very thing directly after I had been crying out to God, just praying for genuine worship and for these students to see that to follow Christ is MORE than worshiping and praise in song. It is our lives, our entire lives. It is giving up self, trusting and having faith in the power of Christ to move all over the world and in the hearts and lives of all people. God was so faithful. And Louie got after it, with passion and a deep longing in his speaking for students all over London to give their lives away for Jesus. beautiful.
Then, there was Edinburgh, Scotland. To be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect. To sum up the "Frenzy" event: I have never seen such genuine, bold worship in my entire life. I was not expecting this at all. God certainly grew my faith and took the scales from my eyes.
Needless to say, God is at work in these cities. He is moving in hearts in tremendous ways. The most prominent burden that I felt on my heart was to encourage the believers in these places. He reminded me of how desperate these believers are for encouragement. They long to meet other believers that will build them up and grow their faith. And it was a joy doing so. I learned so much about myself and was stretched in such crazy ways. More and more, I am dying to self and getting a better grasp on this great Love that He desires to be poured out to all people.
So, now I am about to leave Germany after about 9 days of a total refreshment. I was so tired and ready to have time with Jesus alone. I just needed to be quiet and find my rest in Him again; I was in serious need of some introvert time. And God was so faithful. I had a room all by myself for these 9 days in East Germany where I was able to reconnect with His heart in the silence. amazing, amazing people that I was able to spend time with. such a precious group of people. My time in Germany was spent with the church that I grew up in [that my parents still attend]...First Baptist Garland. Their choir did a tour around east Germany, singing in churches all over the place and even in some cathedrals. I was able to help set up, pass out Germany bibles, and get to know the people. There is so much I could say about this trip, but I don't quite have the words yet. Lets just say it was one of the best experiences of my life. Germans are some of the kindest people I have ever met in my life. And I have never seen so many blonde-haired and blue-eyed people in the same place.
Now....in just a few short hours....I will return to my beloved, France. Really, it is the relationships at camp and the people that make it such a dear place to me.
In a few short days, I will be posting some journal entries that I wrote in my actual journal during some of these experiences. They are more creative and express much more depth than I can say right now.
Until then,
Au revoir.
ally
I have been unable to write in the blog for a few weeks now, though I intended my updates to be quite frequent in the beginning. However, due to my lack of internet service [or the great expense that is cost], I was unable to get on the web. Bare with me...this will be a long post. I have a lot of ground to cover....but I don't want to leave you shortsighted or in the dark. I want each of you to know of God's faithfulness and His work that is stirring.
Wow. I am not sure where to start. [or where I left off last time, for that matter].
The Passion conferences in Paris and France were beautiful. The 1,500 that came to the conference in Paris were ready for this conference and ready for France to awaken to the hope of Jesus Christ. In fact, I spoke with some of the French while waiting in line for the conference and I was able to hear of what is really going on in the hearts and minds of the French believers. I spoke with a guy named Manny who told me how at every Christian event for the French, he sees all of the same people. He said that the population of believers in France is so small that he recognizes the same friends because they all gather together for every Christian conference. Pretty crazy. However, God most definitely did a work in my heart, as well as others. I couldn't believe that God had given me the unique opportunity to see the Jesus worshipers of France on all sides of me, raising their hands, believing in His Great Love, longing for their country to give up their lives. I have no words.
After France, we returned to London for the conference. It blew me away how different each conference was and the responses of the students. In London, it was so evident that they had been waiting for this event and thirsting for the hope of Jesus to be POURED out on their city. Immediately when the worship began, they were wholeheartedly in it, proclaiming His Love to the ends of the earth. Their voices were bold and shouting with joy and praise to the heavens. Something that blew me away was that at first, to be honest, I was skeptical of the worship, only because I did not want this to just be a "feel-good", emotional experience that would merely fade back into the night and hardly scratch the surfaces of the students' hearts. It amazed me that Louie Giglio [the conference speaker and founder] spoke about this very thing directly after I had been crying out to God, just praying for genuine worship and for these students to see that to follow Christ is MORE than worshiping and praise in song. It is our lives, our entire lives. It is giving up self, trusting and having faith in the power of Christ to move all over the world and in the hearts and lives of all people. God was so faithful. And Louie got after it, with passion and a deep longing in his speaking for students all over London to give their lives away for Jesus. beautiful.
Then, there was Edinburgh, Scotland. To be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect. To sum up the "Frenzy" event: I have never seen such genuine, bold worship in my entire life. I was not expecting this at all. God certainly grew my faith and took the scales from my eyes.
Needless to say, God is at work in these cities. He is moving in hearts in tremendous ways. The most prominent burden that I felt on my heart was to encourage the believers in these places. He reminded me of how desperate these believers are for encouragement. They long to meet other believers that will build them up and grow their faith. And it was a joy doing so. I learned so much about myself and was stretched in such crazy ways. More and more, I am dying to self and getting a better grasp on this great Love that He desires to be poured out to all people.
So, now I am about to leave Germany after about 9 days of a total refreshment. I was so tired and ready to have time with Jesus alone. I just needed to be quiet and find my rest in Him again; I was in serious need of some introvert time. And God was so faithful. I had a room all by myself for these 9 days in East Germany where I was able to reconnect with His heart in the silence. amazing, amazing people that I was able to spend time with. such a precious group of people. My time in Germany was spent with the church that I grew up in [that my parents still attend]...First Baptist Garland. Their choir did a tour around east Germany, singing in churches all over the place and even in some cathedrals. I was able to help set up, pass out Germany bibles, and get to know the people. There is so much I could say about this trip, but I don't quite have the words yet. Lets just say it was one of the best experiences of my life. Germans are some of the kindest people I have ever met in my life. And I have never seen so many blonde-haired and blue-eyed people in the same place.
Now....in just a few short hours....I will return to my beloved, France. Really, it is the relationships at camp and the people that make it such a dear place to me.
In a few short days, I will be posting some journal entries that I wrote in my actual journal during some of these experiences. They are more creative and express much more depth than I can say right now.
Until then,
Au revoir.
ally
Sunday, June 1, 2008
so much to learn.
today i realized that i am a really prideful person, i am a conformist, and i have an identity problem. that is the gist of it. the longer version is something along the lines of this:
i think i know what is best. i want to always be right. i don't cling to God for my strength all of the time because i think i have it covered.
in the midst of watching people conforming to the calloused, hard-faced, self-idolization of this culture--i found myself conforming to very same thing. i forgot who i was. just like in james 1:22-25---the man who looks at himself in the mirror and then walks away and immediately forgets who he is; this is the epitome of the way i live so much of the time. I forget that my old self has been wiped away by the blood of Jesus and my new self has been resurrected with Him. I am no longer living for myself, but i am part of a Grand story; one with the Spirit as my guide..constantly teaching, convicting, changing, and transforming my heart and life. Jesus, please let me live this way; let me live as evidence that you are real and your beautiful love and the blood of Jesus has brought freedom and now, we are free indeed.
the streets of london are a dreary place, but today i found more hope. i was able to go to church today and worship the King with other believers; freedom in Jesus' name was rekindled in this heart and others'. and also, as i woke up today, my spirit was refreshed, my heart was open, and i found joy in being here. surprisingly, as beautiful as london is...it is also quite heavy, as i have mentioned in my previous post. Being so spiritually heavy....i find myself having a hard time finding joy. my faith is weak here and my heart fails quickly. The enemy is on the prowl, waiting like a lion to devour each of us. We must be on our guard and realize that we are in a spiritual war with the world every single minute of the day.
In 1 John 4 and James 4, it talks about friendship with the world [i.e. conforming to the world's standards]. This does not mean that we should neglect his people, but instead, it means that we must remain steadfast in our identity in Christ and remember that He has overcome the darkness already. Victory is here and has always been here; we are merely cultivating the land in order for people to receive His grace, put Hope in Jesus' blood, and to bring heaven to earth. This is what we cannot forget. In the midst of darkness, neglect, and fear, He is still here. And because we know of His Radiance and how His Light penetrates into this world, regardless of whether the world acknowledges it or not, we are under His Word and Authority. In James 4, it says that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. It also says that He opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. This is my desire: humility.
In order for this world to be a changed place where heaven meets with earth...we must know our identity and that it is not of this world and because of this...for us to submit to the authority of our God. By doing this, our hearts will be stirred to tell of His goodness and to bring Light to this brokenness.
Please pray over 1 John 4 and James 4 with me.
Let our love for this world be the evidence that Jesus lives. Let us die to our earthly passions and pursuits and be transformed by the love of Your Son, Jesus.
I confess that i am poor and needy without Jesus and I have so much to learn. I need my heart to be open and teachable, without pride or deceit.
I pray for a humble heart. I want to be Light to these people and I cannot do it without His strength. Also, I want to be Light to those we already know Jesus, but are weak and fading because of oppression from the enemy. I cannot even comprehend what it is like for Christians who live here. I pray for Hope to be restored in their hearts and for Awakening to spring forth in the hearts of those who are just tossing and turning, unstable and fickle in their ways. I pray that they will turn to Jesus.
Tomorrow is an early early day. We all will be waking up in about 3 hours to jump on the train to Paris. so, sleeping on the train? yessss.
Grace to you all.
i think i know what is best. i want to always be right. i don't cling to God for my strength all of the time because i think i have it covered.
in the midst of watching people conforming to the calloused, hard-faced, self-idolization of this culture--i found myself conforming to very same thing. i forgot who i was. just like in james 1:22-25---the man who looks at himself in the mirror and then walks away and immediately forgets who he is; this is the epitome of the way i live so much of the time. I forget that my old self has been wiped away by the blood of Jesus and my new self has been resurrected with Him. I am no longer living for myself, but i am part of a Grand story; one with the Spirit as my guide..constantly teaching, convicting, changing, and transforming my heart and life. Jesus, please let me live this way; let me live as evidence that you are real and your beautiful love and the blood of Jesus has brought freedom and now, we are free indeed.
the streets of london are a dreary place, but today i found more hope. i was able to go to church today and worship the King with other believers; freedom in Jesus' name was rekindled in this heart and others'. and also, as i woke up today, my spirit was refreshed, my heart was open, and i found joy in being here. surprisingly, as beautiful as london is...it is also quite heavy, as i have mentioned in my previous post. Being so spiritually heavy....i find myself having a hard time finding joy. my faith is weak here and my heart fails quickly. The enemy is on the prowl, waiting like a lion to devour each of us. We must be on our guard and realize that we are in a spiritual war with the world every single minute of the day.
In 1 John 4 and James 4, it talks about friendship with the world [i.e. conforming to the world's standards]. This does not mean that we should neglect his people, but instead, it means that we must remain steadfast in our identity in Christ and remember that He has overcome the darkness already. Victory is here and has always been here; we are merely cultivating the land in order for people to receive His grace, put Hope in Jesus' blood, and to bring heaven to earth. This is what we cannot forget. In the midst of darkness, neglect, and fear, He is still here. And because we know of His Radiance and how His Light penetrates into this world, regardless of whether the world acknowledges it or not, we are under His Word and Authority. In James 4, it says that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. It also says that He opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. This is my desire: humility.
In order for this world to be a changed place where heaven meets with earth...we must know our identity and that it is not of this world and because of this...for us to submit to the authority of our God. By doing this, our hearts will be stirred to tell of His goodness and to bring Light to this brokenness.
Please pray over 1 John 4 and James 4 with me.
Let our love for this world be the evidence that Jesus lives. Let us die to our earthly passions and pursuits and be transformed by the love of Your Son, Jesus.
I confess that i am poor and needy without Jesus and I have so much to learn. I need my heart to be open and teachable, without pride or deceit.
I pray for a humble heart. I want to be Light to these people and I cannot do it without His strength. Also, I want to be Light to those we already know Jesus, but are weak and fading because of oppression from the enemy. I cannot even comprehend what it is like for Christians who live here. I pray for Hope to be restored in their hearts and for Awakening to spring forth in the hearts of those who are just tossing and turning, unstable and fickle in their ways. I pray that they will turn to Jesus.
Tomorrow is an early early day. We all will be waking up in about 3 hours to jump on the train to Paris. so, sleeping on the train? yessss.
Grace to you all.
Friday, May 30, 2008
we have arrived.
it is true, we are here, safe, and well.
We arrived in London at about 1:30 in the afternoon and spent a bit of time in the hotel freshening up--then went off on our adventures for the day.
However, first, before going into any details of the day....i want to share of the undeniable faithfulness of God. I asked Him to provide in abundance for these trips. [In all, I had to raise about $5,000 for my trips this summer]. I asked in faith, knowing that if it was His desire for me to be here in Europe with these people, then He had the power to make it happen. And--alas, He provided in absolute abundance. I was humbled by those of you who desired to be a part of this with me [prayerfully and financially]. Thank you for every word that you have said that has immensely encouraged me, every minute you have spent [and are spending now] praying for me and for the journey's ahead, and for all of your financial support. You have blessed me more than you could ever know.
As for today...it has certainly been a wave of emotions.
Never have I felt the presence of darkness and been burdened by such a negligence and apathy towards God. I felt it all around me. The heaviness literally encompasses this place. I was really having a hard time bearing it and I just kept praying. I could not stop praying for these people. Not only was my heart burdened for these people, but it burdened my heart for the world. All over the world there are people [including us] who neglect God, who disregard Him, who deny Him, and who just don't care. Our own problems in this world consume our minds so much that it creates enmity between us and God; it separates us from the love of God, from our desire for God. I've been reading James 4 lately, which talks about all of this. Yesterday they were just words and ideas on papers and now they have been laid before my eyes and it completely broke my heart.
anyway, so just as I was being completely broken in the midst of complete chaos....something happened that left me even more broken than before. I heard someone say Jesus' name....i was curious so i turned around and saw a man from Kenya telling people about my Jesus. The three of us [Sandra, Steph, and I] stopped and listened. Usually I am turned off by street evangelism, but he was speaking truth and I have never been so thankful to hear the name of Jesus being proclaimed on the street. I should really stop putting God in a box. I looked over to the side of where this man was speaking and there was another man that we heard sharing his testimony with two other men. amazing. and then.......suddenly we heard this crowd coming towards us. They were singing "Celebrate Jesus, Celebrate". ahhhhh. are you serious? at this point, i literally started weeping in the middle of the crowds and crowds of people coming from all directions in downtown London. and then I realized......just before all of this had happened, God had burdened my heart like never before for the calloused hearts of this world and in this place, and then, like never before, i felt His presence. i KNEW that He was there. He is at work. His Light was penetrating through the darkness and there were others who felt it too and they were proclaiming it on the streets of London.
needless to say.....I am encouraged and know that God is here. He is moving and there are people who are listening and responding.
please continue to pray. pray for these people to see their need for Jesus; for them to thirst for His love and grace in their lives.
and now, my bed and sleep are awaiting me. I am throwing in the towel for the night.
Grace to you all.
We arrived in London at about 1:30 in the afternoon and spent a bit of time in the hotel freshening up--then went off on our adventures for the day.
However, first, before going into any details of the day....i want to share of the undeniable faithfulness of God. I asked Him to provide in abundance for these trips. [In all, I had to raise about $5,000 for my trips this summer]. I asked in faith, knowing that if it was His desire for me to be here in Europe with these people, then He had the power to make it happen. And--alas, He provided in absolute abundance. I was humbled by those of you who desired to be a part of this with me [prayerfully and financially]. Thank you for every word that you have said that has immensely encouraged me, every minute you have spent [and are spending now] praying for me and for the journey's ahead, and for all of your financial support. You have blessed me more than you could ever know.
As for today...it has certainly been a wave of emotions.
Never have I felt the presence of darkness and been burdened by such a negligence and apathy towards God. I felt it all around me. The heaviness literally encompasses this place. I was really having a hard time bearing it and I just kept praying. I could not stop praying for these people. Not only was my heart burdened for these people, but it burdened my heart for the world. All over the world there are people [including us] who neglect God, who disregard Him, who deny Him, and who just don't care. Our own problems in this world consume our minds so much that it creates enmity between us and God; it separates us from the love of God, from our desire for God. I've been reading James 4 lately, which talks about all of this. Yesterday they were just words and ideas on papers and now they have been laid before my eyes and it completely broke my heart.
anyway, so just as I was being completely broken in the midst of complete chaos....something happened that left me even more broken than before. I heard someone say Jesus' name....i was curious so i turned around and saw a man from Kenya telling people about my Jesus. The three of us [Sandra, Steph, and I] stopped and listened. Usually I am turned off by street evangelism, but he was speaking truth and I have never been so thankful to hear the name of Jesus being proclaimed on the street. I should really stop putting God in a box. I looked over to the side of where this man was speaking and there was another man that we heard sharing his testimony with two other men. amazing. and then.......suddenly we heard this crowd coming towards us. They were singing "Celebrate Jesus, Celebrate". ahhhhh. are you serious? at this point, i literally started weeping in the middle of the crowds and crowds of people coming from all directions in downtown London. and then I realized......just before all of this had happened, God had burdened my heart like never before for the calloused hearts of this world and in this place, and then, like never before, i felt His presence. i KNEW that He was there. He is at work. His Light was penetrating through the darkness and there were others who felt it too and they were proclaiming it on the streets of London.
needless to say.....I am encouraged and know that God is here. He is moving and there are people who are listening and responding.
please continue to pray. pray for these people to see their need for Jesus; for them to thirst for His love and grace in their lives.
and now, my bed and sleep are awaiting me. I am throwing in the towel for the night.
Grace to you all.
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