the time has come.

well, the time has come around for my very last adventure. [and with much anticipation and joy]. my last stop is Bourg d'Oisans, France. I will be working at a camp that I worked at last summer called, Camp des Cimes. It is most definitely the most precious and meaningful camp I have ever served at and I cannot waiiiiit to return. The people, the relationships, and the Alps are calling my name, for sure.

I have been unable to write in the blog for a few weeks now, though I intended my updates to be quite frequent in the beginning. However, due to my lack of internet service [or the great expense that is cost], I was unable to get on the web. Bare with me...this will be a long post. I have a lot of ground to cover....but I don't want to leave you shortsighted or in the dark. I want each of you to know of God's faithfulness and His work that is stirring.

Wow. I am not sure where to start. [or where I left off last time, for that matter].
The Passion conferences in Paris and France were beautiful. The 1,500 that came to the conference in Paris were ready for this conference and ready for France to awaken to the hope of Jesus Christ. In fact, I spoke with some of the French while waiting in line for the conference and I was able to hear of what is really going on in the hearts and minds of the French believers. I spoke with a guy named Manny who told me how at every Christian event for the French, he sees all of the same people. He said that the population of believers in France is so small that he recognizes the same friends because they all gather together for every Christian conference. Pretty crazy. However, God most definitely did a work in my heart, as well as others. I couldn't believe that God had given me the unique opportunity to see the Jesus worshipers of France on all sides of me, raising their hands, believing in His Great Love, longing for their country to give up their lives. I have no words.

After France, we returned to London for the conference. It blew me away how different each conference was and the responses of the students. In London, it was so evident that they had been waiting for this event and thirsting for the hope of Jesus to be POURED out on their city. Immediately when the worship began, they were wholeheartedly in it, proclaiming His Love to the ends of the earth. Their voices were bold and shouting with joy and praise to the heavens. Something that blew me away was that at first, to be honest, I was skeptical of the worship, only because I did not want this to just be a "feel-good", emotional experience that would merely fade back into the night and hardly scratch the surfaces of the students' hearts. It amazed me that Louie Giglio [the conference speaker and founder] spoke about this very thing directly after I had been crying out to God, just praying for genuine worship and for these students to see that to follow Christ is MORE than worshiping and praise in song. It is our lives, our entire lives. It is giving up self, trusting and having faith in the power of Christ to move all over the world and in the hearts and lives of all people. God was so faithful. And Louie got after it, with passion and a deep longing in his speaking for students all over London to give their lives away for Jesus. beautiful.

Then, there was Edinburgh, Scotland. To be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect. To sum up the "Frenzy" event: I have never seen such genuine, bold worship in my entire life. I was not expecting this at all. God certainly grew my faith and took the scales from my eyes.

Needless to say, God is at work in these cities. He is moving in hearts in tremendous ways. The most prominent burden that I felt on my heart was to encourage the believers in these places. He reminded me of how desperate these believers are for encouragement. They long to meet other believers that will build them up and grow their faith. And it was a joy doing so. I learned so much about myself and was stretched in such crazy ways. More and more, I am dying to self and getting a better grasp on this great Love that He desires to be poured out to all people.

So, now I am about to leave Germany after about 9 days of a total refreshment. I was so tired and ready to have time with Jesus alone. I just needed to be quiet and find my rest in Him again; I was in serious need of some introvert time. And God was so faithful. I had a room all by myself for these 9 days in East Germany where I was able to reconnect with His heart in the silence. amazing, amazing people that I was able to spend time with. such a precious group of people. My time in Germany was spent with the church that I grew up in [that my parents still attend]...First Baptist Garland. Their choir did a tour around east Germany, singing in churches all over the place and even in some cathedrals. I was able to help set up, pass out Germany bibles, and get to know the people. There is so much I could say about this trip, but I don't quite have the words yet. Lets just say it was one of the best experiences of my life. Germans are some of the kindest people I have ever met in my life. And I have never seen so many blonde-haired and blue-eyed people in the same place.

Now....in just a few short hours....I will return to my beloved, France. Really, it is the relationships at camp and the people that make it such a dear place to me.

In a few short days, I will be posting some journal entries that I wrote in my actual journal during some of these experiences. They are more creative and express much more depth than I can say right now.

Until then,

Au revoir.

ally

so much to learn.

today i realized that i am a really prideful person, i am a conformist, and i have an identity problem. that is the gist of it. the longer version is something along the lines of this:

i think i know what is best. i want to always be right. i don't cling to God for my strength all of the time because i think i have it covered.
in the midst of watching people conforming to the calloused, hard-faced, self-idolization of this culture--i found myself conforming to very same thing. i forgot who i was. just like in james 1:22-25---the man who looks at himself in the mirror and then walks away and immediately forgets who he is; this is the epitome of the way i live so much of the time. I forget that my old self has been wiped away by the blood of Jesus and my new self has been resurrected with Him. I am no longer living for myself, but i am part of a Grand story; one with the Spirit as my guide..constantly teaching, convicting, changing, and transforming my heart and life. Jesus, please let me live this way; let me live as evidence that you are real and your beautiful love and the blood of Jesus has brought freedom and now, we are free indeed.

the streets of london are a dreary place, but today i found more hope. i was able to go to church today and worship the King with other believers; freedom in Jesus' name was rekindled in this heart and others'. and also, as i woke up today, my spirit was refreshed, my heart was open, and i found joy in being here. surprisingly, as beautiful as london is...it is also quite heavy, as i have mentioned in my previous post. Being so spiritually heavy....i find myself having a hard time finding joy. my faith is weak here and my heart fails quickly. The enemy is on the prowl, waiting like a lion to devour each of us. We must be on our guard and realize that we are in a spiritual war with the world every single minute of the day.

In 1 John 4 and James 4, it talks about friendship with the world [i.e. conforming to the world's standards]. This does not mean that we should neglect his people, but instead, it means that we must remain steadfast in our identity in Christ and remember that He has overcome the darkness already. Victory is here and has always been here; we are merely cultivating the land in order for people to receive His grace, put Hope in Jesus' blood, and to bring heaven to earth. This is what we cannot forget. In the midst of darkness, neglect, and fear, He is still here. And because we know of His Radiance and how His Light penetrates into this world, regardless of whether the world acknowledges it or not, we are under His Word and Authority. In James 4, it says that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. It also says that He opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. This is my desire: humility.

In order for this world to be a changed place where heaven meets with earth...we must know our identity and that it is not of this world and because of this...for us to submit to the authority of our God. By doing this, our hearts will be stirred to tell of His goodness and to bring Light to this brokenness.

Please pray over 1 John 4 and James 4 with me.
Let our love for this world be the evidence that Jesus lives. Let us die to our earthly passions and pursuits and be transformed by the love of Your Son, Jesus.

I confess that i am poor and needy without Jesus and I have so much to learn. I need my heart to be open and teachable, without pride or deceit.

I pray for a humble heart. I want to be Light to these people and I cannot do it without His strength. Also, I want to be Light to those we already know Jesus, but are weak and fading because of oppression from the enemy. I cannot even comprehend what it is like for Christians who live here. I pray for Hope to be restored in their hearts and for Awakening to spring forth in the hearts of those who are just tossing and turning, unstable and fickle in their ways. I pray that they will turn to Jesus.

Tomorrow is an early early day. We all will be waking up in about 3 hours to jump on the train to Paris. so, sleeping on the train? yessss.

Grace to you all.